Home India Local News The trauma of growing up as a transgender man in a heteronormative casteist society

The trauma of growing up as a transgender man in a heteronormative casteist society

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I was thinking about writing a piece or article about my experience for many days. But I had been unable to write it because for a person like me, it is not easy to write. I am writing this mostly for people like me, who come from oppressed communities. I wanted to put in writing about the systematic oppression that I face. I am only able to write about this because of the strength I gained from the reading down of Section 377. Months after the reading down of Section 377 I came out and talked about my gender identity to one of my Ambedkarite friends. He encouraged me to write about my experience so it can be of help to people like us coming from the marginalised, rural areas. After lot of thought I decided to write about it.

I identify as a trans man who was born in a female body though I do not associate with the female gender. I am from Adivasi tehsil rural area, a very small village. My family occupation is farming. Both of my parents are farmers. While being forced to grow up as a ‘girl’ child, I started to understand that I was not a cis girl at the age of 5 or 6. There was no language available to me to express it. I remember refusing to wear the school uniform because of its gender-specific style.

During my entire childhood, I felt a constant discomfort with my body. I always tried to be like the boys in my school and my school teacher always stopped me from doing so. When I reached puberty my body began to change and I got periods which really caused me a lot of dysphoria. The discrimination around ‘that time of the month’ by people in my house and the society began. I still had no language in that age to describe what was happening to me. I was going through lot of depression and anxiety at that time. I would try to cut my breast and resort to other kinds of self-harm and felt severely suicidal.

There was no one to help me or support me. I cried a lot and my dysphoria even led to me having constant body shivers. When my mother noticed that I had been shivering for many days, she took me to the hospital but doctor could not understand what I was going through. He gave me some medicine which was obviously not at all helpful. The dysphoria has continued till date. But with time I have found some techniques to manage it. Though sometimes it does become unmanageable.

Growing up, I realised I was attracted to girls. Everyone in school was talking about their crushes in a heteronormative way. It once again reminded me that I was different from them all. https://www.telegraphindia.com/opinion/the-trauma-of-growing-up-as-a-transgender-man-in-a-heteronormative-casteist-society/cid/1672905?ref=opinion_opinion-page

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